Day 26.9.

"Today, we sailed on."

 

 

Christopher Columbus wrote these words in his journal every day on his journey in search of the New World.  Through storm-tossed seas and nights that seemed to last forever, they simply sailed on.

 

And that is what I have had to do for the last 26 days. 

 

Things aren't all bad, no. At times, I'm really happy. I have a few friends here, a loving family, a great girlfriend, a nice job, a roof over my head, beautiful weather, the world's greatest puppy, and bluegrass music. (Funny story about bluegrass music. I was in the shower the other morning with my phone playing my music, I got two phone calls during that shower that messed up my music and I finally yelled "STOP CALLING ME I'M TRYING TO LISTEN TO BLUEGRASS GOSH DANG IT." My roommate, Eric, can confirm.)

 

That being said, I have an amazing life and I'm so lucky. What could make me happier? What more could I need?

 

Well.. her.

 

I miss her. I'm frustrated to no end because I have the most amazing woman in the world, she's mine and nobody else ever gets to have her, I get to spend my forever with her, and that's amazing. But for these next 4 months, I don't get to come over and wrap myself in her arms. I don't get to take a nap with her wild head of hair nearly suffocating me.  I don't get kisses in the rain or walks in the park or movie nights or anything. I get to sit at home (partly by choice, partly because I hate people.) and read a book or play xbox or just sit in the quiet and look at my cool new lava lamp. (There's something exciting! I got a lava lamp!)

 

But nothing really matters because she's gone.

 

She's gone and she's not coming back even if I beg her. (I do.) ((All the time.)) I have to go through these 4 months sans my love, half of my heart, and it's a hard adjustment that I'm really struggling with.  I find myself grumpier lately, having more anxiety (Hi, I'm Skyler and I have really bad separation anxiety, want to do a long-distance relationship?) and feeling less joy from the things I normally enjoy. Like singing, for instance. I love to sing. It's a passion of mine and I am lucky enough to have 2 choir classes every day at school. We're learning beautiful music and I'm enjoying it and all, but the only thing I can think of during class and performances is "dang.. I wish Whit was here so she could listen to this with me." And so goes most of my life. Things are just as good as they were before, but I'M not as good as I was before. 

 

Whitney is the most incredible girl I've ever met, honest. She's passionate about life and that's something she has taught me. Above all else, to enjoy every day, to be truly IN the moment no matter what the moment is.  If I'm sitting in bed and just reading a book, you better believe I am reading the crap out of that book. And I'm enjoying every minute.  She's loving and patient and forgiving. I'm an annoying person (Sorry Whit, had to quote you.) but she lets that go because she says she loves me. And not only when I buy her things! Like every day she tells me. That's a lot different than anything I'm used to. Coming out of a really bad relationship, I could have gotten someone average and it would have been a 1000x improvement, but I truly got lucky and got an extraordinary girl. Someone who makes me laugh and smile and get stupid grins on my face at school and work from a text she just sent me. Someone that goes out and buys deep conditioner so she can convince me to come over and fall in love with her. Someone who lets me buy a dog and keep it at her house because I can't have it at mine but I still want a dog. Someone who's willing to fight for our relationship to work. You know how easy it would be to just give up and find someone else in Florida? I don't even want to think about it. But she eases my mind every day and tells me that she loves me. She calls me and sends me pictures and somehow convinces herself that I'm worth keeping around. 

 

And I'm so happy she does.

 

Because I aim to marry this girl and you're all invited.

 

So, yes, life is a stormy ocean that kind of sucks most of the time, but for her, I'll do anything.  I'll put myself in an incredibly uncomfortable situation for myself and do a long-distance relationship.  For her, I'll stay loyal and true even though winter is coming up and it's going to be cold without someone to hold me. (Thank goodness I have a dog and blankets.) Heck, for her, I'll even go in a haunted house! (Don't even get me started on our conversation over this one. She won. End of story.)

 

For her, I'll sail on.

(This is a picture Skyler sent me before his chamber choir sang at the schools' commencement ceremony. He cleans up nicely, huh?)

Day 26.

I know what you're all thinking, when do we get to hear from Skyler again? He's a much better writer than me, I know, but he also says he hasn't been doing anything noteworthy. 

His days consist of xbox, potpies and toast, talking to Sawyer, and apparently dancing to bluegrass music in the kitchen. (I didn't even know he liked bluegrass music.) Everyone please pray for his sanity. 

I forgot to tell the best story so far. It was actually a traumatic experience I was leaving out for the purpose of possibly forgetting it ever happened, but Skyler reminded me, and said I have to include it in the blog. So. As my roommates and I were riding the ever so lovely transtar bus back from the hoop-dee-doo, a guy we call "20 questions" got on. He sat right next to Amber and was asking about as many questions as my mom does in one phone call. Well, transtar drivers are really special people. They make sharp turns and just love slamming on the breaks. Out of nowhere the driver abruptly stopped the bus and BAM! I went sliding off my chair right onto the ground. I almost reached for Amber but didn't want to send her flying into stinky question guy and the ground was my only other option.

I started hysterically laughing along with everyone else on the bus and you know what the driver said to me? "What you doing?" Um what does it look like I'm doing, exactly? It was the perfect way to end the night, and reason enough to never wear a silky fabric dress on the bus again. 

I have something exciting to announce: Skyler is officially coming to visit me! :) we booked his flight yesterday and I've made hotel reservations so he HAS to come. I get to see my baby. :) and hug him and kiss him and probably be that gross couple that's making out in the airport baggage claim area. My heart feels like it's about to implode in my chest just thinking about it. He's so far away, and in just over 40 days he will be tangible again. I can run my fingers through that long beautiful hair of his and we'll wear matching t-shirts and share food. 

I miss him. We've fought more over stupid things since I've been here than we ever fought over anything at home. Our emotions are running high and we're both frustrated and exhausted from missing each other this much. It kills me that I can't be home to dry his tears and erase his sorrows. To wipe his cheeks clear of sadness before he can soak his pillowcase. He's sad and I can feel it. 

He's my everything. He's my best friend. And when I was thinking too much one time he said to me, " But your heart knows you love me. Your spirit knows you want to be mine forever. Quit relying on your brain so much, baby. The other two are much truer compasses." 

We need to remember that. As our wandering minds create winds of doubt that erode our positivity, we need to refocus and redirect our compasses back towards each other. Back to the night in the grass at the park when our only worry was what Skyler's mom would say when he was late for curfew, and we'll be just fine. 

Day 22.

Howdy-hi from Florida!

I've finally fallen into the routine of things, and I feel like not a lot has happened since I last wrote, but it has. First thing is, my roommate decided to go home. She was feeling homesick and wasn't liking her job and two of our roommates were being so mean to her that she just finally had enough and left. Kristen was one of the nicest people I've ever met and even though she was only here for a short time, I consider her one of my best friends. On her last day here we went and spent the day at Hollywood Studios. We ate dinner at the Sci-fi diner, this cute place that looks like a drive-in movie and you sit in cars! We rode rock-n-rollercoaster twice, met Mike and Sully, rode tower of terror, and saw Fantasmic! and then the new Frozen themed fireworks.

It was an amazing day and we had to say goodbye the next morning! We have missed Kristen so much every day since she left, but I am happy that she is happy and home with her sweet boyfriend and family!

Last Monday Amber and Taylor and I went to the Hoop-Dee-Doo Review at Fort Wilderness Lodge, which was SO cute! There was all you could eat BBQ pork ribs, fried chicken, mashed potatoes, beans, corn, cornbread, and strawberry shortcake! I know. The drinks came out in mason jars and our waiter Bob had a lazy eye. As if that food wasn't enough to make the discounted tickets worth it, there was also a really cute musical show that went on at the same time! We had so much fun! There was a photopass stop where we took what was probably the worlds cutest photo, but it didn't link up to our card so it's lost forever. Luckily our memories of that night will never fade. (I'm turning into a walking cliche.) Also Amber and Taylor have me hooked on Panera Bread. Panera before anything else.

Other than that it has just been a lot of working. A lot of complaining about my feet hurting, and a lot of eating freezer burritos and drinking ginger ale. Skyler and I have been skyping a lot and we even tried to watch a movie together over skype the other day. (I said tried.) I still miss him. I'll never stop missing him. But I am also incredibly grateful to have such an amazing person by my side that supports me and keeps me calm and makes sure I wake up for work every morning (even if it's at 4 am Utah time) He's the greatest, but you all already know that.

Tonight my friends and I are going to the Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party because even though Halloween is a ways away, cast members only got discounted tickets in September. There will be fun trick-or-treating, spooky parades and fireworks, and I heard the villians come out and play tonight too! I can't wait! Also, you better believe I'm going to the party dressed as an ewok. Party party!

Exactly one month until my birthday.
48 days until I get to see my dad (and maybe Skyler! eeep!)
and 105 days until I'm home with cuddling with my puppy.

Have a magical day!

Day 9.

Whitney here.

There are countless things to talk about today. So many exciting things happen when you work for Disney.

First things first! I had an orientation, well Disney calls it  "traditions" to make it sound like something really fun. We did lots of top secret Disney stuff, we got our very own ears, and the boss (Mickey) brought us all our name tags! Also featured in this picture is Donald, Skyler's childhood pal. Right before I left I sprayed it with Skyler's cologne and currently it still smells like him.

I didn't have to work the next day so my friend Ashley and I went to Magic Kingodom just to play! This is a picture of the castle the first time I saw it, and of course we had to meet Ariel. Notice how I'm wearing a white shirt? Well, guess who didn't bring an umbrella with her? And guess who got stuck in a torrential downpour? Yeah, this kid. I also got to experience the iconic stroller-ankle jab my first day. Needless to say we were fully immersed in the Florida experience. It has rained every day since.
 

 

I look like this almost every day. My dad is supposed to be shipping me my rain jacket from home so hopefully that gets here soon. (Hint Hint.) We also get lovely ponchos to wear over our costumes at work! Oh! Speaking of costumes. I'm sure you're dying to see me in mine. We also get to wear lovely slip resistant black shoes with black socks. Needless to say, I'm the epitome of sex appeal.

The costumes are fun though! And the stores that I'm in are full of little girls. Sir Mickey's, our busiest store right behind the castle, has all of the frozen merchandise in it. It's crazier than black Friday in there, but its so fun to see all the kids so excited. Girls will come through dressed as their favorite princesses and it makes me happy when I get to greet them like "Well hello princess Anna, how's Arendelle?" I can't wait until I'm done with training and I can take off my little red "earning my ears" tag and start doing things on my own.

Anytime we have to give directions we have to use the Disney point. Some friends (Chelsea, Matt, and Ashley) and I went to dinner at Benihana last night (holla at cast discounts!) and were photographed modeling this lovely two finger point. I've really made some great friends here and I just keep making more every day. Also the Brazilians sitting at the table with us found it necessary to record their experience with a video camera on a stick. Um, go home. I mean, "Have a magical day."

 Today for "work" I got to go on a four hour tour of the entire Magic Kingdom and learned all about the different attractions and areas of the park. After that I went to the mall with two of my roommates (Taylor and Amber), and we went to the m&m factory! I really am liking all of my roommates and think I definitely got lucky with the girls that I'm living with.

 So yeah. I know that's a lot but now you're all updated on what I've been up to. I''ve already spent way more money than I've made. But the memories I'm making are much more meaningful than the money.

I'm having the time of my life, I am. But... I never knew exactly how much I was going to miss Skyler. I didn't even know it was possible to miss a person this intensely. And I mean it when I say I couldn't do any of this without him. I'm starting to cry right now at the thought of how absolutely lucky I am to have him. He's so thoughtful and supportive and I just... love him. My heart aches to be close to him, and I miss him every second of every day. This week he mailed me the most beautiful promise ring, and I can promise you this: I'm holding on to this boy as long as I can.

Let me leave you with a (cliche) Disney quote and some pixie dust.
"All of your dreams can come true if you have the courage to pursue them." -Walt Disney

Day 4.

"We need to put that cute picture of you and Sawyer on the blog. And you need to talk about the trick you taught him when you get home."

"I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I am."

- My beautiful Whitney.

So I guess I'll write about that first.  Since Whitney has been gone, our dog (or my dog if he just peed in the house.) has developed a new habit. Whenever I get home from school or work and I haven't seen him for a little bit, he stands up and leans on my legs until I pick him up and 1.) Give him a hug. I tested it earlier this week and we went a solid 5 minutes of him being annoying and obnoxious until I picked him up and held him.  Or 2.) Throw him on his back on the bed and rub his belly until his long pink tongue is hanging out. After I do one of these things, he usually calms down and will lay right next to me.

He's the cutest.

Unsurprisingly, these past days have been hard. I usually do fine during the day, but at night, my mind starts to wander to the dark places I fight to stay out of. Her not sitting across the aisle from me at work really makes me sad because that was the place where we met.  Some of our best memories are sitting at those computers and making each other laugh.  Making work something that we both looked forward to.  (That says something about how much I love being with this girl.)

It's not the fact that she's gone that's hard, we've been apart before.  It's that she isn't coming back anytime soon even though there are hints around the house that make it seem like she could be home tonight.  You see, my friend and I moved into her house when she moved out and she left little ghosts behind when she left. Her notebook and pen on my nightstand, her razors still in the shower, the pillows that still have a hint of her smell. It looks like she's just gone somewhere and will be returning soon.  That is the hardest part for me.

Earlier today, I asked her "how much longer? 16 weeks?" she replied with, "17 weeks and 2 days."
If that's not a good enough indicator of how slow time is passing for me, just know this: Days feel like they're at least 48 hours, if not longer, nights being 36 of those hours.  I get in the shower after work and by the time I'm done feeling sad and daydreaming about her, I realize I've been in for 20 minutes or so.  So I take my sleeping pills and let my dreams carry me to her. I sleep for 7 hours, wake up, go to school, go home, hug my dog, go to work, come home, hug my dog, walk my dog, shower, sleep, repeat.  Routine has become my best friend this last week. (But, on the plus side, I can listen to all the folk music I want.) If I can just make it from one task to another, things will be okay.  I miss her so much but I know we're going to make it through this.  Just hearing her smile over the phone as she talks about how happy she is makes it all worth it.  She has been wanting to do this for a long time now and it's truly a dream come true. (gag) So, of course I'm happy to let her do this.  Her happiness is my northern star and it's what I live for.


4 days down, 123 to go.  Which is basically nothing.

Wish us luck!

Skyler + Sawyer.

Ps. I told her that once she gets back, I have 127 days of doing absolutely anything I want and she can't dispute that. So this isn't turning out to be all bad.

Day 3.

Okay! People. Information overload ahead. The first few days at Disney have been really hectic. So hectic in fact that I didn't do any of the homework that was due in either of my online classes. Wonderful. But it's been so fun and dare I say it... magical.
After being frisked by an elderly TSA agent with a resentful attitude I rode an airplane here all by myself. I paid $8 so I could have wifi on the plane and talk to Skyler the entire time I was flying. (You'll either think that is pathetic or cute. That's okay because it's both.) I landed and went downstairs, got my 100 pounds of luggage, bought a shuttle pass, and got on a shuttle to my hotel. I met a girl on the shuttle, Alaynna, and she was doing the program too. We actually ended up having hotel rooms right next to each other. She knew who her roommates were going to be beforehand and she invited me to go to dinner with them. They were extremely nice girls and by the end of night one my friend count was at 5.
The next day we had check in, which was a really long yet efficient process, but I found out that I am going to be working in... drum roll please.... FANTASYLAND!!! I couldn't be more excited about that. The merch cast members in fantasyland get to deal with lots of little kids and do something called "pixie dusting" where we go around sprinkling glitter on little kid's heads with as wand. Making the days of little kids is going to be so much fun. I don't have my costume yet or my exact assignment of what part of Fantasyland I'll be in, I find out on Sunday, but I will let you know!
My roommates are nice! It's cool to meet girls from all over the country with different interests and different personalities. I am friends with 3 of the 5 girls that I live with and it's crazy to think that I now know 8 girls here that I don't hate. That is such an accomplishment for me, you have no idea. I haven't even met any of my coworkers yet so I'm sure I will make even more friends every day, and that is exciting.
In order to get places we have to take these lovely non-air conditioned transtar buses. People complain about them a lot and say that the drivers are incompetent and the buses break down, so that will be a separate adventure by itself. They take us to and from work and also to the mall and walmart and the post office. What more could I want? I also have a walgreens walking distance from my apartment complex for all my overpriced snack and pharmacy emergencies.
The weather has been fun. It gets really hot and sunny and then an hour later it's stormy and raining and then it's clear and sunny again. I love the warm rain and the ocean smell in the air here. I, however, am not a fan of the humidity this far. My hair has shrunk up a solid two inches into a chic white girl fro and I constantly want to take a shower because I'm sticky. The heat doesn't bother me at all, but the first day I felt like I couldn't breathe in the thick air. I've been adapting to it, but I do not miss the dry Utah air one bit.
Skyler and I are doing okay. We miss each other a lot. A lot a lot a lot a lot. The first night when I stayed in my hotel by myself we face-timed and cried together. It's hard, but he loves me so well. He's been amazing at being supportive and communicating with me. It's incredible the amount of love I have for him and that even states away I can still feel the connection that we share. I brag about him all the time and am so grateful to have him by my side through it all. We are going to make it! Don't worry. That's all I have for now, but here are some pictures with captions to illustrate these first few days.

Here is the lovely Transtar bus! Who doesn't want to ride this every day? Bonus! They smell like feet.

This was the view from the bus we took to casting as I entered the property for the first time!

You like the fro? or no?

 

This is my bed. This is the result of only being able to pack two suitcases. I kind of miss my big comforter.

 

I found this giant Stitch at the outlets today! It was SO SOFT. Skyler is very proud of me for not buying it. 

(I might have to go back.)